Woman wonders how to successfully ward off gym rats
Hello, Amy I’m a very energetic person.
Four to five times a week, I work out at the gym doing both cardio and weightlifting.
Since my late teens, I have been doing this.
A man at the gym has recently started chit-chatting. In addition to sharing details about his age, family, and marital status, he has started to interrogate me and make remarks about my looks and physique.
I don’t want to be rude, but I’m not interested in him.
I like the sense of calm my workout gives me. I wear earbuds to prevent being disturbed because of this, but it hasn’t stopped him.
He is continually invading my space and getting worse.
Is there a kind way to convince this annoyance to leave me alone?
— Exercising
Dear Exercise: Your dilemma has been expressed in the typical way that women typically react to intrusion: How should I react to this without being impolite? Is there a kind way to convince this annoyance to leave me alone?
Some individuals react to nonverbal cues (leaving in your earbuds, conveying through your body language that you are not interested in conversing, etc.).
Some people (like this guy) take your friendliness, your polite social cues, etc. as a permission to encroach more.
Small talk may be a minor irritant, but remarks about your physical attractiveness and body are wholly inappropriate, and he needs to be silenced.
The next time this man enters your space at the gym, you should give him the full benefit of a neutrally worded and clear response, using both your words and body language, because you say you want to be “nice.”
Then put an end to it. As a “stop sign,” raise your hand. “I’m here to work,” say you. I appreciate you respecting my request that you refrain from approaching me or attempting to speak with me. I appreciate your understanding.
You resuming working out after plugging in your earbuds.
You’re going to kindly notify this man once. If he does resume, you should speak with the manager and, if necessary, put your concerns in writing so you have a record of them.
Hello, Amy One of the sweetest and most giving people I’ve ever met is my stepmother. She invited my brother and I to live in her house with her and my father during the pandemic because times were tough financially.
She has welcomed me with an open heart despite the fact that I have overstayed my welcome at this point.
She and her father have been wed for more than six years.
This is the problem. She was previously married, and her first husband passed away more than ten years ago.
Thankfully, my father and his children are residing in her spacious home. But she has pictures of her former husband in each and every one of her rooms.
Since this is her home, I understand that I have no right to be critical or unappreciative, but I still feel like my dad is being treated very unfairly.
He is very nice and claims that it doesn’t bother him, and after living in the house for so long, I’m sure he has come to believe that.
I could see why my stepmother would want to keep the photos of her late husband in an album or in one particular room. However, having pictures in each room makes me feel subconsciously self-centered and serves as a constant reminder to my Dad that I wouldn’t be here if he were still alive.
Are all of these images a sign that she hasn’t moved on from her late husband and their relationship and isn’t with my father in the present?
I would really value your opinions!
Nowhere Near Me
Please Don’t Go There: You seem to be more aware than usual that the house you live in is your stepmother’s, and that you are only there thanks to her kindness.
But eventually, regardless of who owns the property, since your father is married to her, this house should also become their shared residence.
Your father might have a preference for these pictures once he reaches the point where he truly feels at home. He is an adult, however, and has the freedom to express or repress any preferences he may have.
Hello, Amy Regarding the topic of preserving photographs of former partners, my stepmom placed a photo of our mother (who had passed away) in my dad’s changing area.
I was touched by that act, and when I realized how much she loved my father, it was simpler for me to love her.
— Thankful
Hello Grateful This was a kind and considerate act.
(You can write to Amy Dickinson at Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068, or send her an email at [email protected]. You can also follow her on Facebook or Twitter (@askingamy.)
